Tips
for the over 50 job seeker
 The
diaper case sitting
behind the desk has no clue of the rich cornucopia of experience you
hold.
He is likely not wearing socks and very likely has a tatoo; not an anchor on his bicep or one that
spells "mother".
He grew up with a joystick in his hand but has no idea which
is
the business end of a soldering iron.
He was suckled on the television set, yet has no notion of
thermionic
emission or mechanical tuners.
Just like a girl, he can type without looking at the keys, yet has no
clue his enter key was once
called carriage return.
He thinks Viet Nam is ancient history.
Yes, this is the job interview you dread. How to appear
respectfully servile? How to respond to the drivel of
corporatese
spewing from this diaper case's mouth?
Bullshit Bingo anyone? Yes, let's see........"Sir, I do
indeed
leverage my core competencies to synergize with the team environment.
You may count on me to up-sell the value added heavy lifting while
herding cats that, in the big picture, structures a win-win scenario".
Bingo!
"Yes, I love being micro-managed by a meglomaniacal gas bag who trusts
not one of his subordinates to do it right".
There you go.........You got the job.
So why am I unemployed you ask?
Because le enfant can
see the rictus of hate through my mask of
a smile. He can sense that I'd like very much like to punch his lights
out and shove his cell phone deep in his power bar filled
colon. What is a power bar anyway? I enjoy candy bars, O-Henry bars, Clark
bars, Baby Ruth, not this yuppie overpriced health shit these
self-absorbed, solipsistic kiddies chew on.
They ask if you can use this program or that program......Windows?
Word? Excel? (oooh, spreadsheets, now that's complicated).
They would have no clue if you say " yes, I've written machine code for
the Motorola 6800". Pause, look at the cell phone.....Motorola
it says there right next to the I-tune button.
Don't dare tell them you built a TTY signal converter to use a teletype
KSR-35 with the new Honeywell peripherals control unit in 1978.
Don't dare tell them you built your first crystal set at age five.
Crystal set......what's that??
No, to land the job, prostrate yourself before the vanguard of business
savvy, spout the global economy corporatese, pay homage to diversity
(never speak of unity), and assure the infant clown you've never had an
original idea in your life.
As for me, having been taught at a very young age to ride, shoot
straight, and speak the truth, I'll stick to my preferred method of
landing a job:
September 10, 2009
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